April 12,2010

My father-in-law had congestive heart failure. He had been sick for quite awhile. One of his doctors called him "Lazarus". Grandpa wanted to be at home. My son and I took turns staying nights at grandma and grandpa's last week. I stayed last Thursday and hung around till 10:30 or so the next morning until the nurse left. He got up that afternoon and put on his new red polo shirt and blue sweat pants. Looked really good. Chatty. As on top of things as a man in his position could be.
I got a call about 8:15 p.m. Couldn't get out of his recliner. By the time I got there, the recliner had tipped him out onto the floor. He remarked that he wasn't going to get out of bed anymore. I told him I thought that was a good idea because we didn't want him to fall and hurt himself. I joked about the need/use for gloves, baby wipes, and air freshener. I called my son, he came, and we got him off the floor and into bed. Made sure Grandpa was "comfy cozy" and gave him his med. He took our hands, thanked us, and told us good night.
Grandma sat down to watch a little tv after we left and went to sleep in her chair until 1:30 a.m.
During the night Grandpa's breathing was worse than it had ever been. I stopped over Saturday morning to see how things were going. Everything seemed fine. Then we got a call at 1:20 p.m. that Grandpa had died. He just didn't wake up on Saturday. He passed very peacefully.
Funny how you remember the details...
We had the privilege to make sure he was comfortable when he went to bed for the last time.
I'm glad. :-)

March 29, 2010

It's just after 1 a.m. Many of us are still up for one reason or another. Days are long, nights are short, and healthy sleep patterns are non-existent. I have a friend who says that sleep is over-rated. I believe that our God gives us, as His beloved, sleep.

There are so many things to get done; the list keeps getting longer. I've learned to make another kind of list. It's not a to-do list. It's a list that says everything I actually get done. You know, things like: got out of bed, made coffee, feed the cat and dog, did a couple of care-things for hubby, took out the trash, hubby's meds, have first cup of coffee...

Honestly- - -there are many things that I worry about. I know I'm not supposed to be anxious about anything, but it happens. So I'm just saying...

"Lord Jesus, forgive me for my anxious thoughts and action. Help me to go to sleep without 'noise' tonight. Help me to rest in you. Amen."

March 15, 2010

Last year a friend of mine gave me a copy of the book Captivating. I glanced through it, placed it on a shelf in my closet, and closed the door. I never picked it up again until about ten days ago when I started reading it. Every time I have started to put the book down, it has quoted me to myself and in no uncertain terms proceeded to tell me (sometimes in my own words and reasons for not wanting to read it to begin with) about myself and the condition of my heart.

Everything it's said is true- - -how my heart has been wounded, that it has become hard (to protect itself from further hurt/damage), and how I need to give all the pieces of my aching, broken heart to the Lover of my soul. I read that if I would look and listen that He would give me "presents" (a gentle breeze, the smell of fresh flowers, a double rainbow after a storm, a song playing on the radio when I'm up at 2:45 in the morning that reminds me I'm "safe in His arms")...gifts from Him who knows me best and loves me the most.

Realizing His love for me is changing how I feel about myself. Strange- - -how I'm nervous about saying anything else on the subject just now. One thing about any of this-particularly in a blog and putting it out where just anyone can see it: I have to be willing to make myself vulnerable.
I remain a work in progress. That's okay. I'm pressing toward the mark...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Good afternoon! This morning I shared with a friend about having started a blog. She was excited and asked me if I had even let it be known on facebook yet. I told her that I had not because I wanted to have something worthy of the time it would take anyone to read it.
Is that a good attitude? Probably not.
I have piles of things to get through today, but made some decaf and decided to sit here for awhile. Hubby is napping. The pets are curled up and snoozing. I hear a Randy Travis CD playing in the background. The quiet is very nice...just for a few minutes.
Someone has said that you have two choices when you open your eyes in the morning. You can choose to go back to sleep and continue dreaming, or get out of bed and chase those dreams.
So- - -blogging? Yep. Starting to chase what God put in my heart YEARS ago but I didn't know what to do with it until a couple of days ago. He's given me the tools I need to be able to do what He asked me to do.
Chasing it....gotta go. Quiet time is over.=-)

January 14, 2010

So- - -here it is: Caregivers Coffee. I hope this becomes a place where we can share a good cup of coffee and an encouraging word. I'm a 24-7-365 caregiver for my husband who is a C6-7 quad. We got married six months after his car accident and have remained so for 26 yrs.

God is faithful. He is true. He is my hiding place and my shoulder to cry on...